No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life

NTA

Your cousin sounds like a parasite.

Your husband also need to learn the power of "no." He should read No More Mr. Nice Guy (Note: at some point I had a link to a free online copy, no idea where it is.)

I saw this elsewhere on this sub, and burned through the audiobook in less than a week. It is about an 8 hour listen, and you can skip the first chapter, which is just the author talking about what has gone on from one book revision to the next.

I was absolutely floored by how much the thing resonates with me. The chapters wind up offset. The audiobook chapter one is the rehash I mentioned, chapter 2 is a preface, and chapter 3 is chapter 1. Audiobook chapter 2 and the first five minutes of chapter 3 just had me nailed to the wall, not to mention the relationship to my wife. If you have amazon prime, the audiobook is free if you log in with your amazon credentials:

No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ySueEbZFJPF5K

Be warned - it isn’t comfortable to listen to. A whole lot of introspection comes up from it.

EDIT - another warning, it can be a bit sexist in places, but being wrongheaded in one place doesn’t invalidate his points as a whole. Try to be open-minded going in.

No More Mister Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover helped me quite a bit

My girl said the exact same thing.

I highly recommend this book for your husband, it helped me tremendously. He may have read it already.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_OxVtFbRN7HGAK

That's the thing, it's totally up to you if nothing changes. How far are you willing to take it, also how much longer are you willing to go without.

> Everything else in the relationship, for the most part, is okay.

OK? Well, at least that is better what most if not all say with "perfect".

I would highly suggest (and grrrr lol hate suggesting books) but maybe its time for you to check out No More Mr Nice Guy. I know our DB might be different or they could be the same if you dig deeper, but between this sub and that book, it helped me escape my abusive hell of a marriage.

No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_Bob2Fb4GYAJHR trust me great read.

You might be interested in the book No More Mr Nice Guy. Some people are critical of it, but it was immensely helpful to me.

I dunno. I’m a Christian. I was trying to start conversation. Seeing what you might know, if you knew a verse(s) on the subject I don’t. It’s not so much porn. You can masturbate without porn. But masturbation without fantisization (lust) is very difficult. (You’re right— can you honestly say you’re honoring God?) I’m not even there yet, but I believe it can be learned. Check out a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover Later on in the book, he talks about Healthy Masturbation (without fantasization).

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_-KCaFbHCRJEK6

Happy people attract happy people.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Go read

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

You want to be a good man but feel blocked by this issue. With this pure goal, you will struggle your way through this.

Are there any Nice Guy men’s groups in your area? They’re based on the book by the same name.

If that doesn’t work for you, try to find a men’s group, even if it’s drumming. Find a male mentor who understands. My spouse found these very helpful when he got stuck in porn and whimsies. He’s made it it out and you can, too. You will become the man you want to be.

I’m sorry but you’re going to have to talk to your SO. She has been wondering what the hell is wrong with you. She’s probably wondering why she’s not enough. Watching your love hurt is so hard. If the book works for you, she might want to read it. I learned what I was doing wrong and was able to change. That made it easier for SO to heal.

Please consider changing your handle here. You deserve more than that.

Dr. Robert Glover. The book has been translated into many languages, too. Sample on amazon, but available elsewhere:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=nodl_

I hope it helps!

Try reading this book. It may or may not apply to you.

No More Mr Nice Guy

I know you'll never read this https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I used to have the same problem. Along with what everyone else said about working on yourself, and surrounding yourself in good company for symptomatic relief, another big one is no covert contracts in future dating/relationships.

A covert contract is when you do something for someone (usually your SO) expecting something in return while not making the expectation clear. Even if that something you expect is something as simple as thankfulness or appreciation. The problem with covert contracts is that you're investing time and/or money in her, and when the investment doesn't pay off (again, even if all you wanted was a "thanks"), then you feel cheated. A big problem with covert contracts is that it's not her fault, because you didn't make it clear you had any expectations, and she thinks you did whatever because you wanted to. If there's some nice thing you would do for her, but you have an expectation, either make the expectation clear to her, or don't do said thing at all. This way, you will never feel over-invested or frustrated. I'm not saying covert contracts are your main problem, but being aware of it helps a lot.

I got the term "covert contract" from No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. He's not a pick up artist, but a family therapist, and the book is actually mostly written from the latter point of view. While the claim "A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life" is hyperbole, I do have to say that it will steer you in the right direction.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Check out this book. Changed my life.

Read this book. I think you will find it helpful.

Despite my harsh words, I do want to say sorry for what you are going through. I know it cannot be easy.

Try reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover (Amazon). The book focuses a lot on relationships with women, but is a very good book for all aspects of life. I'd say read it at least twice, it's a pretty quick book.

Based on your post history, you should consider speaking to a trusted male therapist.

I would also encourage you to undertake some form of combat training: boxing, BJJ, etc.

Don't forget to lift.

And, as others have mentioned, make sure you check out No More Mister Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Importantly, put what you've learned into practice.

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

And not, it's not about becoming a jerk,

Read this book: No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover

It's hard to describe but I was very much in your position about 6 years ago. My wife (fiancée at the time) was very independent and more dominant as it came naturally to her but she always wanted me to be the dominant partner, both in our day-to-day lives and intimately. This was very hard to reconcile with my upbringing and what I was always told by a good portion of society.

I slowly started making changes in my life, such as stopping the "what do you want for dinner?" routine and just choosing something to make for us while also giving her a heads up on what I was planning. I trusted my wife to speak up if she wanted something else. Same thing in other aspects of our lives, if I saw something that needed to be done I did it without expecting any appreciation or even if she noticed. Many of these things are small, e.g. organizing items in our house, planning trips, etc. Sometimes she would notice and other times she wouldn't, but I wasn't doing them for validation, I was doing them since they needed to be done. It's not necessarily dominant as more of taking a lead role.

My wife and I both realized, we're on this ship/journey together. Someone has to be the captain and set the course, you don't want to be drifting with no one steering. Some will take issue with this description, implying my wife is not as important and that's far from the truth. She is just as important in this relationship but someone needs to set the course for us. We now usually use the CEO/COO analogy, I look at the overall strategic vision and how to get there and she manages more of the operational tasks. It's not rigid for us, there's some things that she excels at and she takes the lead, and others where I do.

Two last items, being the rock in the relationship may not seem dominant but it very much carries over into that realm. Acknowledge and have control of your emotions but don't let them take over. Be the oak tree that she can find comfort under during a storm. Finally, it may be controversial but I would recommend the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, it provided some insight that I never considered or overlooked in all my years. You can find it online in PDF format for free too. I read different sections to my wife and she agreed with a lot of it. Needless to say, the changes paid off dividends and my wife gives me a compliment on what type of husband and father I am on a daily basis. I'm living the life. YMMV. Good luck.

Read No More Mr Nice guy by Glover.

I'm happy again to help!

I truly hope I didn't sound too harsh with what I said -- I don't mean no one respects you, just that she won't. I only say that as a way of pointing out that you're not going to win her heart or anything like that. You deserve a woman whom you can share a mutual respect with. That's important in life.

The sex therapy part is difficult, I understand. It's such an embarrassing and personal topic to discuss and it's not easy to find someone you trust. You must do what works for you. In the meantime, I'm going to go out on a limb and recommend a book you might find useful for working through some issues:

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

This book was very helpful to me on my journey. You can probably find pdf versions online, but however you obtain it, it is really worth reading. I promise, despite the title it's not about becoming a jerk or anything like that - it's more about dealing with self-shame and the way it makes us "too nice" at times where people treat us as doormats. I truly hope it will be helpful you as well.

> 5'4(yes short asian guy)

>Physical 2/10 due to height

>Insecure about my height constantly being the biggest flaw on me.

>Less insecure about my height

Bro, that's FOUR mentions about your height. If I can sense your insecurity through your OYS, imagine what vibes you must be giving off in real life? Height is one of the few things in life you have no power to change, so you should just make up your mind that you're going to own it and be confident in who God made you to be. But people (especially girls) can be cruel, so here's some good responses to help deal with those Fitness Tests they throw at you:

​

Her: "Wow, you're so short!"

​

• “Dynamite comes in small packages.”
• “I’m not short, I’m fun-size!”
• ”I’m just concentrated AWESOME.”
• ”I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than most.”
• ”Lol God only lets things grow until they’re perfect – some of us didn’t take as long as others.”
• ”It’s the only way I can look up to people like you.”
• ”When you’re a size LARGE everything else looks small by comparison.”
• ”I’m big where it counts.”
• ”Wow….never heard that one before. Don’t let your head hit your ego on the way out.”
• ”Don’t push me or I’ll bite your knees.”
• ”I’ll be sure to bring a booster seat with me on our date.”
• ”Yeah, it sucks being able to see every single hair sticking out of your nostrils.”
• ”Yes, but did you notice that my head is up, and yours is down?”
• ”How about you mind your own business and watch out for airplanes?”
• "I'm even shorter in the dark."

​

>Feel pressure to always be perfect around all people. Or else I realize they won't respect me.

Nice Guys^^TM are perfectionists. You should read No More Mr. Nice Guy, you will probably get a lot out of it.

​

>I am thanksful to god for everything he gave me and my bretheren. I trust him in every situation wherever it's in good and bad days. I always put god before me. I have been longing for a helper but have not taken a worldy partner.

Amen!

​

>Assurance of salvation 8/10. Quite Time/Devotion: 8/10, Bible Study 8/10, Scripture Memory 6/10, Prayer 7/10, Evangelism 7/10, Fellowship 7/10. Have couple of mentors in Church. Leading a youth group. Been outside everyweek once with a strong brother teaching me how to evangelise on street. Things going well with the church. Although I disagree with some doctrine we still have a good relationship.

This is awesome.

I hands down recommend No More Mr Nice Guy. https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

It's not "about codependency", and I heard that the author specifically never used that word, but it was the most relevant and workable book I read that addressed my codependency. It turned my life around.

I'm glad some of this rang a bell with you, hopefully it can help move you two forward.

Instead of attacking the issue head-on, I'd suggest reassuring her you love her anyway... and gathering a bit more information. Her being happy to rim you DOES show you something, the question is what? Which begs a deeper question: what turns her on about you? If it's you as a "dominance-in-bed" dispenser and nothing more, that's a discouraging sign. But the rimming suggests that she also enjoys some aspect of your enjoyment - I presume you are vocal etc etc. And that would be an encouraging sign. That's something you could work with over time.

Basically, you need to establish pegging as something safe and sexy, or it's never gonna happen. If you don't know exactly why she sees it as unsafe (and she does for sure right now!) you can't work to break down that impression. And if you don't show her positive role models of how this can be indulged in to the mutual benefit of both partners, she's never going to want to try.

I'd guess that her fears are around the categories of "he will turn gay" and "I will feel disgusting and unfeminine" - reassuring her of your attraction to her (revealing the forced-bi fantasies is NOT the place to start) and trying to find examples of dominant femininity that are attractive to her. The first would be easier than the second, probably. I'm imagining, with the personality you describe, she's received the message that she's "not feminine enough" more than a few times. You might have better success explaining to her - when things are calm between you, at the right time - that sometimes (not all the time! mention how much you love the sex you have now too!! very important!!!) you want to relax and let her love you, that all (or most) men feel pleasure from getting their prostate stimulated, and that this is an extraordinarily intimate act you could only feel safe sharing with her, just like the rimming. An emphasis that she would never encounter poop down there during this type of play - you will take care of that 100%! - I also recommend.

But your indirect communication style and mentioning that you wish you could be "dominant out of bed and submissive in the bedroom" pinged something else for me. So...

I'm going to suggest something orthagonal to this conversation - a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy." The title sounds alt-right, but from what I was able to skim of it online, it is actual advice, and good advice too. This is a book that gives men advice about how to communicate clearly and effectively with the women in their lives, while retaining and even enhancing their "male" role. It describes how a lot of men end up with a "reactive," overly-submissive (and not in a good way) and eventually resentful approach towards women due to early life experiences, and how this ends up further antagonizing the women they love and live with, and pushes them both farther away from mutual respect. You're probably not as far gone as the examples the book gives, but I have a gut feeling that reading it will give you more than one "aha!" moment. A few chapters focus specifically on sexual needs within the relationship, of all sorts.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Anyway, I need to get back to work lol - I hope this is helpful. If you get to the end of this process successfully, I bet you will have gained a lot more than prostate orgasms. I wish you the best of luck.

I think the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover may help you alot. One of the key points is the Jekyll/Hyde nature these guys have. That in fact, many nice guys are in fact, not that nice at all.

What is happening is that he's acting out childhoold issues from malformed internalized beliefs on how to interact with the world he's adapted to.

​

Read the book, I think it really will help a lot.

Hey, yes food-liker. I've spent much of my time studying interpersonal relations with a psychology degree, as a mental health social worker, and in my free-time.

If you'd like to explore some concepts, the concepts of Family Systems Therapy are very useful, and especially healthy boundaries vs enmeshment vs cutoff. As have been reading books on narcissistic abuse and covert-aggression. In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People helped recognize the toxic patterns in others. Long after No More Mr. Nice Guy helped me identify them in myself and begin to change.

The fundamental theory of FST (I believe one of the most fundamental theories there are), is that we form deep biological/emotional bonds with our family of origin, so deep that they are crucial to the survival of our species. Through these bonds, we learn how to fundamentally relate to others. And become as a whole one system, all fitting together emotionally like puzzle pieces. Thus an addict in the family is not the disease of an individual, but of an entire family working to distract from, enable, and otherwise avoid confronting the addict, without which the addict could not exist. The addict is merely the symptom. When you leave your family of origin, you tend to bounce around emotionally until you find other people whose puzzle pieces fit with yours, repeating your family patterns, becoming your parents, often until you deal with it at the source. This is why I came back to be with my family, intentionally. To understand and deal with my issues at the source.

Creating an individual self that you choose and not out of reaction to your family or society is Jung's process of individuation, the path to becoming your highest creative self. Self-actualization. Two other great concepts to explore.

Basically the patterns are these:

• Myself being scared to express myself, especially when it might disagree with someone else, especially when it might cause someone to become upset, and being highly sensitive and very good at predicting when this is.
• Especially when it would create conflict or upset-ness in women.
• This results in my hiding my true intentions and self, expressing only what I know will keep people happy.
  • This is called manipulation. Accomplishing my ends but no one is allowed to disagree with me or be upset about it. And while you can justify it as "nice," it is extremely toxic to relationships and creates no closeness. Only resentment and illusions of relationships.
• My mom tends to manipulate by never speaking directly. She only speaks in stories that cast indirect light on what you're saying. She never acknowledges what you say. Just diverts it to a story that is mostly about her and what she wants to spin the issue as. Often communicating very clearly that she is against whatever it is I want, but with plausible deniability.
• My dad constantly tries to talk you into his opinion. When you confront him on it, he doubles down and gets angry saying that he is only looking out for you and he is your dad--he deserves some say anyways. This is his nice guy pattern coming out, his manipulation. I had to throw this out from him to get it out of my psyche for myself.
• My sisters were never taught to fight fair, so they just never back down in disagreements and will lie, gaslight, twist words, ridicule, resort to personal attacks, gunnysack, every debate or abuse tactic I've seen described, they've used against me to avoid ever admitting any wrong. So I've had to learn to stand my ground without engaging in any of this.
• Overall, my parents (since that's who you specifically asked about) never really engage in conflict, and never really have vulnerable conversations about the relationships they're in with the people involved. They just avoid all conflict. As a result, and a result of my never having conflict with them, there were a lot of things I resented about them but felt obligated to keep allowing. My mom's at times clearly manipulative story telling, not listening and dominating conversations. My dad's constant badgering. My sisters' horrendous behavior. So I had to confront them, stand up to their guilt tripping and rationalizing, and learn to have a clearly defined sense of self. With opinions I express no matter who I'm around. And boundaries I express about what I will or will not tolerate out of self respect, regardless of whether it hurts someone's feelings. From this I made great progress in becoming an individual, having self esteem, and ability to have healthy, living, growing relationships, rather than a stagnant ball of emotional enmeshment and resentment. Even if this means I distance myself from my family a bit because they're not ready to grow. I am now orienting myself to find others who do--and I find myself quite alone in the quarantine. This, for the first time since I can remember, feels amazing. I'm very content and enjoying reading and engaging with others who deserve it, and some that give me trouble, in no greater amounts than I desire to freely.

That's a lot, but it's important things to me--THE most important thing to me. And I enjoyed solidifying my thoughts a bit and sharing my experience.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Check out this awesome book called No More Mr. Nice Guy. You'll learn a lot.

There’s a basic life lesson here and it’s that you have to do what is in your best interest regardless of how other people react. Your buying a home. Is your objective to do what is best for you and your family or to make your mother in law happy?

I don’t know how the family dynamic is, but it’s childish of your MIL to say it’s an issue.

If you wrestle with conflict/saying no/people pleasing in general I suggest this book (changed my fricken life!).

Hope this helps, sorry if my tone is harsh - that’s not the intent.

No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_b3dcFbPTGSJAE

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0762415339/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1586566833&sr=1-1

No more Mr. Nice Guy... read sbout yourself.

No More Mr. Nice Guy - A proven plan for getting what you want in love, sex and life by Dr. Robert A. Glover.

I’ve read a ton of self help books. This one made a real impact and motivated me to make some substantial changes that have really improved my life. It’s a well written, quick and easy read.

Best of luck to you.

I know a lot of people said this in the thread but here's my take on it.

The point of a relationship is to share your own happiness and fulfillment from your own life. Yes you have needs, wants, and desires in life but it's your job to fulfill them- not a partner.

Of course, people may say "Well what about great sex, how am I supposed to fulfill it by myself?" To this I say "then ask your partner or whoever you're dating, ask what you want specifically and if they can't deliver then it's still your job to leave and find your needs met somewhere else"

To the loneliness bit of your question, yes it takes a long while to get used to it (as people have mentioned here already) but once you find it comfortable- trust me, you'll find being alone is a blessing. HINT! I said alone, not being lonely. You can be surrounded by thousands of friends in your life but if you feel you don't belong or are being someone else when you're with them, then you're lonely and that type of loneliness hurts your heart. You can be with the hottest girl in the world but if you lose yourself or trying to please her without your own happiness being put on forth then you'll be lonely and that type of loneliness hurts.

Being alone helps you find what you love to do, what makes you happy and what you value without trying to find the bed of validation. Yes this is the hard part which most guys and even other genders fail on because challenging yourself to find these fulfilling things is boring. They don't want to put in the work to find those fulfilling things on their own selves and expect another person to fulfill it for them. Guess what, this is unfair for you and unfair for them. No one and no one can fix you or fulfill you if you're not doing the work yourself.

Being alone is a great thing man, you know what you'll end up loving to do and guess what? Girls find that attractive (I know, mind blowing) and they can notice if you're faking your own happiness or are genuinely happy.

Go try those new things you've always wanted to do, go do something you like for an hour, go try something new and fall in love with it. You'll love being alone one day and one day you'll find someone you can cherish it with.

This isn't a promo or anything but this book truly helped me realize this, and my seduction skills have been 10x better simply cause I worked on myself and not the game itself. No More Mr. Nice Guy

The sex addiction is from a part of him that his broken and dishonest. The fact that you have next to no fights before this is a MAJOR RED FLAG. HE is afraid of being himself and being honest with you about how he really feels. Part of the thrill of chasing after these women is "he gets to be himself" because he's repressing what he wants all the time around you. I don't pretend understand all of this, but No More Mr. Nice Guy may explain a lot of this. The book is about men who are "nice" only because they repress themselves contanstly.

Thanks for being here. I read your post and this resonated with me. I will offer you a book which fits you very well and I believe it will help you.

A book that would recommended: (Also parrots say to google the book name)

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

I hope everything will get better soon for you. You love your children and survive!

No more Mr.Nice Guy.

Give the author your money. https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Or just take money from him. https://archive.org/download/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

No relationship is perfect. Including mine and yours. You say you have ADHD and "other stuff". That it's your fault. Is she perfect? There is no way in hell she is. This doesn't make her a terrible person. By the same token, it doesn't make you a terrible person either. You are just a person. Perfectly imperfect as we all are.

Do you want to be with a partner who puts all the blame on you? A partner that, while you were improving yourself and the relationship, was making plans to leave you out of nowhere, forever? It is difficult to see it now, I understand. You deserve way better than this. You are young and you will recover. Remember that the only person who can get himself out of this is you. Which means you have all the power to do it.

While you are doing some soul searching, I recommend you give this a quick read: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 . I was in a similar place to you after my last breakup and this book helped tremendously in the healing process.

Best of luck brother, we are all rooting for you.

Lets face it leopards don't change their spots, you have fundamental issues, which sounds like won't change. You deserve to be happy too.

Try reading this https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

A someone who's been there and was stuck in that pattern from 17 to 27 I feel for you but you're not as nice a you're claiming to be. You're angry and upset but that's nobody's fault but yours. You're bullying has put you in a rough spot mentally and you've let that chain you down by succumbing to social anxiety.

First thing you gotta understand is that people change and they come and go. You might not think so but you're going to be different next year (and the year after that) in how you think and act. It happens to all of us. Come to terms with that. Also don't believe that big groups equal happiness. My best friends are 2 at most and that's been more than enough. We're all adults now and have responsibilities of our own so we don't talk like we use to but we've been through so much that constant communication isn't necessary. There were others in our group of course but they all went their separate ways. We're good.

Secondly, you need to take care of that bullying. I don't know if it's verbal, violent, or both, but you can't let that stop you from being happy. If it's verbal then learn to just shrug off most stuff and stand up for yourself if it starts getting to personal. If it's violent then take some martial arts it boxing so you can DEFEND yourself. I wish I had done that at your age but I didn't.

Third, you're a teenager, man. You're in a hard phase in life and for whatever reason the hand you've been given hasn't been a good one. That's unfortunate but we all go through that. If you play your cards right, one day you'll look back and laugh at how ridiculous all this is. Trust me bro. Let everyone else do their thing and you do you. You'll be able to use everything you've been through as strength one day.

Finally, I hate tell you but you're not actually "nice". If you're going to be genuinely nice then you have to do it without expecting something in return. That simple. You're secretly making a contract with the person you're "helping". You're saying "I'll do this for you but you gotta do something for me". That's dishonesty my friend. If you really did value morals like you claim, you wouldn't be so dishonest with everyone and yourself. I know you're prolly confused by this and you find it's a hard pill to swallow but it's the truth. I was you 12 years ago and when I finally realized all of this in myself, it knocked meet it cold but I took responsibility and did what was necessary to make a change.

I care for you and I'd hate to see you go down the same destructive path I did. Take my words to heart, please. You can be confident and make genuine friends if you take the right action. I'm going to link two books that changed my life completely and helped me overcome these same issues you're dealing with. I give you my word that they work! Idc if you hate reading. If you really want to be in a better spot you're going to have to work hard and make sacrifices. You can do it though. Read these books in this order:

1. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

2. Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins

who does?

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/

I don’t think I’ve seen it mentioned yet, but therapy is also an answer here. If you’re really opposed to therapy for some reason I recommend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and Models by Mark Manson. Both of these books will help you to think more about what you want and stop putting so much weight on what women think of you. But honestly I really recommend therapy too.

People here need to ready "No More Mr. Nice Guy" https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

"Never accept unacceptable behavior" https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 I have similar issues ; and this book helped "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover....Let me know if you you fit the profile in the book. I did 100% and the book has helped me a lot...

If any of you guys are orbiters read this: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Go out into the street and look at the people who are couples. Not just the ones that are making out, all of them. How many of them are composed of supermodels? I would wager the answer is "almost none". What do we learn from this? That in practice people who are not hugely attractive form and maintain relationships. It happens all of the time, all around us.

Also, remember that women are more similar to men than they are different. You can learn a lot about the situation and about yourself by simply putting yourself into their shoes without assuming they must have some magically different personality that you don't understand. There are some socialisation differences and some hormonal differences, but they matter far less than people like to think.

Lastly, veto the use of language like "alpha males", for yourself and amongst your friends. There's a lot of shit advice out there. Advice that focusses on tricking women into relationships that satisfy no-one and shatter like plate glass at the first sign of stress. You don't want those relationships. Instead, get good advice from sources like this, this and this. Learn to tell the difference between the TRP "no-one will ever love me for who I really am" logic and the more correct and useful "yes women like masculinity, but there are many ways to be masculine" logic.