How to Win Friends & Influence People
You can go after the job you want—and get it! You can take the job you have—and improve it! You can take any situation—and make it work for you! Dale Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives. One of the most groundbreaking and timeless bestsellers of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People will teach you: -Six ways to make people like you -Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking -Nine ways to change people without arousing resentment And much more! Achieve your maximum potential—a must-read for the twenty-first century with more than 15 million copies sold!
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Reddit Posts and Comments
0 posts • 111 mentions • top 50 shown below
19 points • Liber09
5 points • 3andfro
What an unoriginal antagonistic style of engagement you have, newbie! You must not have learned that insults are the last refuge of a losing argument.
A kindly impulse motivates me to steer you in a helpful direction: https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
4 points • MoChive
A book they should all consider reading - https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
4 points • phrostbyt
4 points • Alex-In-Houston
You should maybe give this a read, friend. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671027034/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_lHfoFb3R17KFC
42 points • williepep1960
That's normal. You need to understand that any normal man have fear, if we didn't have fear we would literally get hit by the car. As late great Cus D'amato said, you need to control fear and not let fear control you, if you control the fear like you control the fire it can do good for you, but if you let it control you, it can hurt you and everybody around you just like fire.
Look at GSP, they call him the greatest fighter of all time and he was scared to death on the day of the fight. Mike Tyson dreamed and was scared from his opponent, but when he get in the ring he was another animal.
GSP talking about fear Mike Tyson Here is Mike Tyson in amateur crying and being scared to death, he talks about it in the book, he was so scared he wanted to hopp on the buss and run away, and than he sets up the record for fastest K.O in amateur.
That's pretty normal, you just need to learn how to control it, now i can't tell you how to control it you need to figure it out by urself.
What i can recommend to you is read couple of books about fear, mind, and also some autobiography from fighters, many of them talk about the fear.
in Iron Ambition, Tyson remembers how Ali called Cus D'amato and wondering how the hell is he gonna beat Foreman, he was scared but he played like he wasn't. Floyd Mayweather would wake up in the night dreaming that he lost the match and immediately hit the gym. Rocky Marciano was scared of losing aswell, he would run 365 days a year, he had best condition for heavyweight fighter back in 1940's.
You are not alone.
Here is Foreman, one of the scariest motherfucker at that time and even to this day one of the hardest fighter in boxing, he was so scared from Joe Frazier that he almost fainted.
Highlgiths he knocked down Frazier 9 times in 2 fights, and Frazier was no match for him.
Here are the books i recommend you to read
last 2 book are recommendation from late great Cus D'amato, it's all inte mind my friend.
2 points • TheLoner19
Investment: $1.25 + 4 hours of your time
Payback period: 3 weeks to 3 months
5-year return: dramatically transformed relationships and communication
Present-day valuation of discounted future utility inflows: fucking priceless
2 points • ncblack
https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034 As long as the author is Dale Carnegie, you're good to go.
2 points • foreigner009
OK. Your analysis is pretty good. First, do something within an easy reach. Get in shape. Bodyweight exercises with low carb diet will get you there. Later, when you get older, you may find that high intensity cardio much improves sex performance, but save this part until later.
Yes, vocational training is not that sexy, but it will be a $$ maker especially if you start up your own company after 10 years of experience or so. Girls are looking for stability, in the long run, including financial.
Then, read this. It will just make you an attractive communicator & you will be ahead of the crowds.
Lastly, don’t despair. Girls like older guys in general, so just wait it out while doing the above. You will get your girl! Don’t worry. It’s inevitable.
2 points • foreigner008
This is the best gift you could give him. My mother was like this & I almost started to model after her until I started to notice I was losing friends. This book saved me from depression and restored my social life.
2 points • foreigner005
I think you need and crave power. All of us do whether we admit it or not, and there is nothing wrong with that if we source and channel it correctly. Read this to get started.
2 points • Positive_Interest
read this book (https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034)
2 points • LilNephew
Calling someone lazy is not criticism it’s judgmental and verbally attacking them. If you wanted to criticize his grow then say it in a way that won’t make people feel like they need to defend themselves.
He transplanted last grow. Doesn’t feel the need to do it this time around. Maybe you should’ve just said that it really is a good benefit and he should’ve done it rather than call him lazy?
id advise you to read this book. It’d probably do you a lot of favors since you don’t know how to interact with people without directly criticizing their character
2 points • badkarma5833
Word of advice. Work on your social skills. The one constant problem in ALL company's is people. You always have to deal with people at some point. You learn how to work and socialize with people your life becomes way more enjoyable and other opportunity's present them selves.
Being in a engineering role makes you think logically all the time. It makes it difficult to socialize with people. I use to think of myself as an "introvert" while being in this field until I learned how to deal with people and scale back my overly thinking logical mind.
Book that is helpful:
16 points • Fabushka
Java Marathon Day 11: Are soft skills important?
“Soft skills” is a bit of a buzzword. A lot of people say that you need to have them or that you need to work on them. You often see headlines like “Soft skills for professional developers” or “Soft skills vs Hard skills” and unless you have already faced the issue in real life or are interested enough to google and do the research, it’s difficult to have an opinion on the matter.
Like, what even are soft skills? Do I actually need them? Can’t I just, you know, talk to people?
Well, yes, and no, and… Let me explain.
WHAT IS IT & WHY SHOULD I CARE
Cambridge Dictionary defines soft skills as “people's abilities to communicate with each other and work well together”. And it might come as a surprise, but web, game, software or any other type of development consists primarily of teamwork.
Think about it this way: hard skills (skills that are required to do your job) are teachable and quantifiable. Yes, it takes persistence and time investment, but you eventually will learn to code. It’s not a matter of ‘if’, but a matter of ‘when’. You simply need to dedicate enough time to acquire enough knowledge. And that’s the main reason people tend to focus on hard skills when looking for a job.
However, at the end of the day, you will be competing with the dudes who have the same amount of knowledge as you. They can do all the same things. So what will separate you from them? Well, experience, of course, but let’s imagine that you compete with people without any experience whatsoever. So, all you have is your skillset which is ultimately the same as theirs. So how do you think employers will decide? They will choose the dude they liked. And this “likability” factor is heavily influenced by your soft skills. Was it easy to talk to you? Were you able to clearly present your ideas and experience? How would you fit in with the team?
Of course, it goes beyond just the interview. At work, you will constantly have to communicate with other people, set tasks, and pitch your ideas. Your soft skills will definitely factor into all of this.
Last year’s Linkedin Global Talent Trends report showed that 92% of professionals and hiring managers say that soft skills are just as important–or more important–than hard skills. Furthermore, 91% of companies acknowledged a lack of soft skills as an issue and 80% of companies said that they are struggling to find employees with better soft skills in the market.
At the World Artificial Intelligence Conference in Shanghai, Elon Musk said “A.I. will make jobs kind of pointless. People enjoy, fundamentally, interacting with other people. If you’re working on something that involves people or engineering, it’s probably a good approach”.
Soft skills are difficult to measure and difficult to acquire, but it doesn’t mean there’s nothing you can do.
LIST OF SOFT SKILLS
Let’s break all the soft skills down into nominal categories.
People skills usually mean one’s ability to respectfully communicate with other people and develop productive relationships. You want to be able to build trust and maximize pleasant interactions with your co-workers.
Social skills also relate to social interactions with other people but are more focused on the goal of communication. They generally include the following:
- Coordination and social perceptiveness. You need to be able to read the room and adjust your actions and behavior in response to other people’s actions.
- Mentoring. Teamwork will often mean not only constant learning but help and mentorship as well. You want to be able to clearly communicate your instructions and be able to explain certain aspects of your job.
- Negotiation and persuasion. These skills will be instrumental in your interviews and different interactions with your employers, whether it is a salary negotiation or pitch of your idea.
Communication skills are all about the actual means of communication and your ability to clearly state your thoughts and tasks. You want to be able to explain the motivation and reasoning behind your actions and ideas. Most of the disagreements in work (and outside of it) stem from poor communication.
Social and emotional intelligence influence your ability to empathize with other people’s emotions. They help you stay socially and self-aware, consider the feelings of other people (especially when making decisions), understand your environment, and react appropriately.
Work ethic and work-related skills are more directly related to your actual job so it might be easier for you to see their value, but it doesn’t mean that you should ignore all the previous points. These are the skills that make other people like working with you, and you have no idea how far this can go.
- Accountability. Your ability to take responsibility at work is crucial. Understanding your tasks, correctly estimating how long they will take, and admitting your mistakes will influence not only your professional relationships but the productivity of the whole team as well.
- Time management also relates closely to the personal productivity and efficiency of the team. You need to be able to consistently meet your deadlines.
- Networking. I know, I know. We all hate networking. You might even never need this skill in the first place. But try to look at it from the diffraction perspective. Networking is an awesome opportunity to talk to people with the same interests but vastly different experiences. It’s your chance to learn new things and meet cool people in your field. And you never know when these connections will come in handy.
- Presentation. We’ve already mentioned this in the previous points. You need to be able to talk about your ideas and experiences in a way that is engaging and easy to understand.
If you’re still not convinced that soft skills are as important as hard skills, think about the word “professional”. What makes a person a professional? Yes, they know their job, but they also consistently meet their deadlines, offer great advice and help, masterfully present their ideas in front of the audience, and are generally well-liked. You won’t’ become a professional in your field without the hard skills, that’s true, but when you have them more or less down, boosting your soft skills will open a lot more doors than you would expect.
BUT WHAT CAN I DO?
- Ask for feedback from your friends and colleagues. This is a good first step that will allow you to identify your strengths and weaknesses. You might be a naturally empathetic person, or a good listener or a charismatic speaker. Use this feedback (and some introspection) to locate your starting point.
- Search for online courses, videos, or articles. Take a look at the Coursera, edX, or Udemy courses. Google some articles (for example, Glassdoor blog has a lot of helpful advice) or read books on the topic (How to Win Friends & Influence People by D.Carnegie is a famous classic).
- Find public talks, conferences, or meetups that might interest you. First of all, you will enjoy learning something new. Second of all, you will get to meet people who are interested in the same things. You can also prepare some questions in advance and ask them after the speaker’s presentation.
- Practice. It is a pretty common concept that you can get better at talking to people only by actually talking to people. And it is true. Practice giving public speeches, volunteer to help your colleagues, ask your friends to help you prepare for the interview. For the introverted person (trust me, I get you) interacting with people might be difficult, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.
All in all, soft skills not only ease interactions with different people in your company (and outside of it) but also help highlight the hard skills that you already have. By investing the time in developing your soft skills and paying attention to how people around you communicate and work together productively, you will be able to improve the results of your work and set yourself up for success as a well-rounded developer.
1 points • Invaderkuro
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671027034/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_z1gqFb2YZ5T5N The advice I have is to read this and practice it around people in general like at work or school. And develop some hobbies you can get deep into to have interesting topics to talk with people about.
1 points • snoogins355
No, it's one of the best books on teaching interpersonal skills that I've ever read. It's a little dated but the lessons are timeless. Every high school student should read it. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671027034/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_KtpJEbH7DHT2R
1 points • designonadime
You do realize saying "Blocked" doesn't do anything right?
People went hard at making fun of Maddox's sex life because he was trying to ruin other peoples lives. He painted a target on his back showing he is insecure about sex and people who hated him zeroed in on that.
I'm not sure why you are so defensive, like some kind of battered wife, but maybe take a break from the internet for a while. Go outside. Learn how to interact with people. Perhaps check out the book How to win friends and influence people
1 points • geraldodelriviera
Please read this book. It will tell you everything you need to know about interacting with other people and spreading your ideas productively.
Right now, you're probably only pushing him further right.
7 points • Smaktat
I cannot recommend this book enough. It's an easy read and perfect for what you're looking for. And I do not mean "Clean Code," I mean "The Clean Coder." I read it at the beach: https://www.amazon.com/Clean-Coder-Conduct-Professional-Programmers/dp/0137081073/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+clean+coder&qid=1594073553&sr=8-1
A skill I'm severely lacking in is not related to coding at all. Plenty of my colleagues have said my technical ability is great, but my social sense is not. Disheartening to hear but true and it upsets me the amount of mentors and leaders over the years that did not know enough about this themselves to pass it on. Every young professional should read this book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1V46R2BIQ52SW&dchild=1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people&qid=1594077153&sprefix=how+to+win%2Caps%2C154&sr=8-1
1 points • Inflammable2007
The best: How to Win Friends and Influence People.
1 points • keepinsafefromcorona
You need to read some self help books on becoming a great friend to others. Friendship is not about taking, but about giving.
Read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
1 points • The-zKR0N0S
Here are my notes and select quotes from the book:
Principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE 1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. 2. Give honest, sincere appreciation. 3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU 1. Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. 2. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 3. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 4. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. 5. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING 1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. 2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. 3. Never say, “You’re wrong.” 4. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. 5. Begin in a friendly way. 6. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. 7. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. 8. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. 9. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. 10. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. 11. Appeal to the nobler motives. 12. Dramatize your ideas. 13. Throw down a challenge.
BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENSE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT 1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. 2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. 3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. 4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. 5. Let the other person save face. 6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” 7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. 8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. 9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
“All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory.” Motto of the King’s Guard in Ancient Greece
“The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.” Charles Schwab
“A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one.” John Pierpont Morgan
“When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” Chinese Proverb
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People
1 points • Rasty1973
1 points • bruteski226
1 points • ea6b607
Pretty much everything in here, but you don't speak the same language:
How to Win Friends & Influence People https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671027034
1 points • Gar__Field
Reading this book might help you.
1 points • Techguy38
Hi - sorry to hear your struggling. I did as well. Change isn't easy and the struggle is part of it all. I can offer my experience for what it helps, but I wouldn't say there's a quick path to change. It starts with a true belief that you can be better than you are today, and ends when you die. At least that's my view, as I do not truly believe I will achieve a natural ability to socialize with people, for extended periods of time. I will continue to work at incrementally being better than I was the day before.
Did I get help? No, and that's probably why it wasn't until my 30s until I made progress. A 3rd party perspective can go a long way. If you have the opportunity, it may be worth pursuing to get some help with some of the cognitive behavioral therapy; that can be used to adjust how you approach things. Instead, I used hours of research and years of self-reflection.
For me it came down to requiring a reason for change. Without a true reason, you'll struggle to stay committed. My reason was career growth and doing what I love. Within my organization I am the idea guy. I got paid average amounts to drive projects that eliminate waste from within our processes. The problem was that's all I was doing for 6, going on 7 years. No promotions, and manager conversations were elusive to the topic. My problem is I had my own ideas, grand ideas. The "N" side of me was making connections, seeing patterns, and saw great value in things we could do differently. In short- I had my own ideas that I wanted to drive, and I wanted a team of people to do it. Unfortunately, they aren't going to give someone with zero people skills a team to run. And that's when reality smacked me in the face. I love being an INTJ, and I spent the first 28 years believing that being a calculating machine, free of emotion, was awesome. I didn't need friends, and for some reason being an a-hole kept the girls coming back. No need for long term relationships. I thought I had it all figured out. Wrong.
The reality was I was actually artificially limiting myself. Society runs on interpersonal connections. Nepotism runs rampant in organizations, and the idea of scratch my back and I scratch yours is fundamental. People go out of their way for people they like. It's that easy. Keep burning bridges and no one will stick their neck out for you. So, you need to decide how you want to live and who you want to be. I'm sure there are many INTJs living a happy life. This is just one story, and for me I wanted more than what I could achieve on my own, so I had to learn to make friends. And that's where I started. "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
To attempt answering your question of what I personally did to improve. I observed those around me to dissect why they were getting promoted and I wasn't. What did they do, that I didn't? Then I developed strategies to expose myself to the things that would improve those skills. The more you practice them, the easier they become. Its like riding a bike. At first it's super uncomfortable and your palms are sweaty that you'll get hurt. Then you build confidence and before you know it, it feels more natural. INTJ is not a box to live in, it's just a starting point. The more you activate the genes of extroversion, etc., the more you'll get better at utilizing those skills. I read a while back that the more people self develop, the harder it is for a personality test to determine where they fall. The reasoning being that they learn to overcome their personality drawbacks. (This was not peer reviewed, so no idea on the validity. Just thought it was interesting and logged it)
For me, one thing that was unnerving, I joined a program to work with successful actors who coached a group, of myself and other amateurs, in performing Shakespeare. The idea being to develop an understanding of the power of words, how they make people feel, what they say about you, along with how to use them to build rapport with others. Let me tell you, as an INTJ, this was horrifying. But I powered through, and without my deep commitment to improve, I'm not sure I would have been able to force myself to stay committed. Since all of this, I've been promoted twice. I lead a team and get paid stupid amounts to sit around and think about things all day, and then use the relationships I've built to convince people my ideas are worth investing in. Maintaining a good rapport can go a long way.
TL/DR - Identify a reason that you can hold to the core that drives you to believe you need to change. Find value in relationships. People naturally protect the things they find value in. Work to see the value in people relationships and you'll be more inclined not to burn the bridge. Personally, it takes a lot of effort to not be direct, rude, or condescending. I power through it because I see the value in maintaining a good rapport with someone.
P.S. The hardest part for me was overcoming confirmation bias. It is REALLY easy to make up an excuse in your head for why things go they way they do. The hard part is accepting the role you play when things go wrong, and then working to fix it. Outside feedback can go a long way in helping you identify your blind spots.
I wish you luck on your journey.
1 points • Darth_Monkey
I think you may be confused as to what was social skills are.
Social skills do not include reading people's projected minds (?) or learning how to manipulate people.
Short of getting into therapy or a social skills group, you can look into the following book. There are many more out there about this took, I would search around.
1 points • mollyflowers
How to win friends & influence people by Dale Carnegie.
1 points • Dannyboi93
I highly recommend this book.
The title makes it seem like a manipulative work, but it's not - it just teaches you how to be a nicer person and make people want to talk to you.
Social skills are just that... skills! As such, you can learn and improve upon them. Go get em tiger!
3 points • Mr_P_Pui
Don't think you're doing yourself or Bitcoin a favour here. May I suggest some reading.
1 points • dazaplin
Fair point. Looking closely to the reply you'll find more than platitudes.
"It's because friendships need common ground. First we share common space, then interests, then emotions. This is how it gets deeper."
This is as specific as it can get, relative to what /u/CommeDeuxGouttesDeau has shared. If there was a question about a specific person and how to approach the situation, it would be another story.
Understanding that we need specific examples so that we can act on them, I can point to a great book. Countless examples and timeless advice about connection and friendships. Hint: it's about active listening and caring.
Of course there are countless more scientific books, i can point to some if you'd like.
1 points • Powderbones
Be interested in others and they’ll be interested in you.
read this as well.
3 points • curlybrace_monster
1 points • nwlinkvxd
1 points • ChrisRich81
1 points • Oak_Shaman
I imagine many folks have discovered how many “fair weathered” friends they have compared to “good friends.”
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Easier said then done but friendships take time to form.
Striking up a conversation can be easy! Show genuine interest in the person you are speaking to by listening to them without a phone or other distraction.
Decide that feeling uncomfortable and initiating a conversation is way better than feeling lonely. You will strike out with potential people but keep going!
You are worthy of friendship and if you come across as a genuine person who takes the time to listen to others friendships will start forming.
Also, read this book: How to Win Friends & Influence People https://www.amazon.com/dp/0671027034/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_1rmvFbRBP5VHY
It is old but their is a reason why they keep publishing it. It works.
1 points • throwaway-5024
Building credit and having a job are different.
If you're curious about building a credit history, just start a post, be willing to take coaching, and I can walk you through the steps.
As for "what companies want"...companies are always looking for good sales people. And a good sales person can sell anything.
Someone who is commission only for 7 year and has great metrics, they can transition fairly easily after reading up on the next product they need to sell. Some products require more specialize knowledge.
But if you can't sell yourself to a company without a degree, you won't be able to sell yourself with a degree.
What makes a good sales person?
- They thoroughly understand the deal and value proposition from all sides.
- Empathy and charisma.
Have you picked up a copy of this yet? A used copy costs less than a pint at the bar. I still think it will help you.
1 points • coatrack68
Start with dale Carnegie how to win friends and influence people. It’s a classic that give you good basics.
1 points • Blackberry4bee
Hey I’m 22.(F) I felt this way. I found a book that helped me better understand people and helped me become more social. It helped me to be able to hold meaningful conversations. I def understand people better and I have been able to make more friends. Before, I would only speak when spoken to etc but that’s not a way to live. I now am not afraid to talk to strangers because I know I have the potential to make a new friend.
I hope this helps!!! amazon
1 points • ozzbjj
This book helped me a lot, might be good for you as well. You also mentioned your facial expressions, try to study some body language stuff
1 points • Biscuitpumkin
Here is the way https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
1 points • beepboopaltalt
Mostly because Dems are absolutely insufferable when it comes to "vote for Biden or you support Trump!" "Vote for Biden or it means you're privileged!"
Don't guilt the vote. It doesn't fucking work, and this sub is absolutely the worst place I have ever seen it done. Guilting is more likely to lose voters (by making them non voters) than it is to convince anyone to vote Biden over Trump.
Also, don't lie about policy. Don't say that Biden is "basically almost as progressive as Bernie because..." Nobody believes it. We know Biden's record. I don't care what he says he "wants" on his website, I care what he will do, and I don't trust him to push hard for the things you're going to reference. Healthcare is going to be the hardest fight US politics has ever had, and Biden doesn't care enough about it to have that fight, all while putting out fires that were caused by the administration that came before him.
Biden and Bernie should be having progressive virtual town halls. Progressives are way more internet oriented, and the two of them need to have a nuanced discussion and debate on this topic and coalesce their goals via community interaction into one solid plan that can make progressives feel like they're being heard - by Biden, not by Bernie. Specifically, this needs to be about healthcare. They can slip all the things that they agree with each other in during these as well. But if they can get to the end of something like this where Bernie gives his stern "I am not going to be happy until every man, woman, child has access to the same quality healthcare as I do as a US Senator," schtick and Biden hits back with a "Me either," they'll start gaining some traction. Lay out differences in the plans but how they both end with universal health coverage with no bankrupting costs to the users (Shit, Biden can call this his "10 year goal" - Kamala supported a version of M4A).
Don't tell progressives that their plans are dead if they don't vote for Biden. Show them the light at the end of a Biden/Harris tunnel. And Jesus Christ, maybe listen to them a bit and realize that you (not you specifically) are possibly telling people with ZERO HEALTH COVERAGE that they are privileged if they sit out this election.
This rant wasn't really directed at you, but the thousands of Libs on this sub that are doing it wrong and hurting the very campaign they seem to support so strongly. A book for everyone here: https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034
$1.25 on Kindle. Even if you've read it before, a reread is a good reminder to be a bit empathetic when you're championing for a cause and need the support of others.
1 points • Kyle711
The people that are worth it in your life are those whom you matter to them. It sucks losing a friend, but if your "friend" hurts you then it would be better for you to not have them in your life. The reason being friends should be people who help build you up rather than tear you down. I've been in a few one-sided relationships, but I've always been better off without them.
That being said, you do not have to cut ties but you can always spend more time with others. You do have more friends in the group, so why not hang out with any one of them? Of course, do not talk behind your "best friend's" back as that behavior would come back and bite you in the ass. People don't like gossipers for as much as they may like gossip. Just avoid it. Instead, just try to get to know your other friends better.
Another recommendation I have too is checking out How to Win Friends and Influence Others by Dale Carnegie. It's really helped me out in having meaningful conversations with others. I haven't really been able to go out to win new friends or anything given the situation with COVID-19, but there are thousands of positive testimonials.
And if you need an ear, feel free to DM me.
1 points • -Asher-
There are many books written about a wide variety of topics. But each topic will have some books that are foundational. So much so that they'll inspire waves of other books on the topic. I would say that How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is one of those foundational books. An absolutely must read for anyone who wants to begin to communicate better with others.
Also, when it comes to being a little scared and anxious in social settings, I've found that not caring about any outcome greatly improved my confidence in social settings. Say hi, be friendly, and share your interests without having an expected outcome. In other words, talk to other people without any expectations. This way the burden is off of your shoulders and you'll be free to be more relaxed. Good luck!
1 points • Glimmer_III
I can't fully believe I'm sharing an Ayn Rand quote on this sub, but if you're reading this Benner:
> "Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong." -- Ayn Rand
You often get hung up when the moving parts don't seem to fit together. When that happens for me, I'm reminded of the above quote. It helps me analyze a situation and see where my analysis made a leap lacking in either precessions, accuracy, or both.
There are many, many under utilized resources available to you. Many of them are books. If you'd have read even a few of those suggested since spring 2020, all of this would be different.
In fact, semi-related:
I was told once, quite accurately: If you want to be able to carry on a conversation at an above-average level on any subject, read three books about it. That's all it takes, and you'll forever have an informed opinion you can share with others.
You want to make fantasy football interesting to a novice audience? Like talking to someone at a bar about it? Read three books on fantasy football history and development. Gaming? Same thing.
The subject does not matter.
Don't just be a passive consumer of other peoples' intellect. You have one of your own intellect which you don't actively develop. You're not "done", and you're not "stupid", nor "simple"...you're just inactive.
But if you remain inactive, while everyone else is moving, ya, you'll get left behind.
If you'd had read three books since April 2020, I guarantee the conversations you have with the sub would not be having the same conversations today were being had then.
Yes, I am partially writing this in hopes your therapist sees it. It's been a real struggle on the sub for you to take in-real-life measures to move the needle. Something as fundamental as reading books triggers you, and that holds you back.
1 points • JamesIsAwkward
Here's one a buddy of mine recommended for me a while ago: How to Win Friends & Influence People.
He had a hard time with communication when he first started out and he said this helped him a ton. I never ended up reading it because I'm pretty outgoing though lol. I've seen this book recommended a lot around Reddit.
1 points • boring__
> But I need actors/friends and a camera better than iphone 5, and money.
I guess it's time to stop using those things as excuses and actually get out there and hustle. Find a job which gets you a bit of cash and try to network in your local area. If you're a more anti-social type, there are plenty of resources to help people like you and me upskill in the people department. I used to be HORRIBLE at being a people person, but books helped me a lot.
Nothing is an excuse! You have to make your dreams come true, and you can.