You didn’t mess up or freeze! Your actions show that you were ridiculously aware given the circumstances (tried to call 911 first before reaching for your firearm), and something in your gut, your instinct, stopped that trigger finger unless you absolutely HAD to. You would have pulled if he attacked you, but you waited until the absolute last possible second to decide whether to take a life, and that shows courage and really trusting your instincts and your training. There was probably a little spark in your brain somewhere that said "If he really was going to attack me he'd already be doing it, not standing there taunting me." (If you haven't read The Gift of Fear, do.) Nobody died or went to the hospital, and you get to sleep in your own bed. That was the best possible outcome you could have had. Don't wish you could go back and do it over again and shoot someone... as traumatizing as having a psycho bathrobe ninja fall out of your ceiling is, that would be far worse for your mental health.

Must read, The Gift of Fear! For all women. A lot of topics discussed about male behavior, but also how to keep yourself safe.

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

Currently reading this and I will recommend it to anyone. Women need to realize these things and keep themselves safe. An example that is brought up is the subject of pets, how women will say "my pet never liked him", but it actually often is the case of your pet picking up on the vibes you are giving of about a person and reacting to it and how we do not trust our own premonitions and we rationalize about dangerous situations. Trust your intuition and read books such as this to learn how to be safe. It can literally help save the life of yourself and your loved ones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNtXjIiJ0PU

Stay safe!

Just looked it up on Amazon. Wow. Will do!

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=the+gift+of+fear&qid=1595187615&sprefix=the+goft+of+fe&sr=8-3

This is some “The Gift of Fear” shit https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440226198/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdb_imm_t1_1bbxFbPQQAQ66

Of course you’ve never seen them. You’re a guy. This is btw why women will lie and say they have a boyfriend when being solicited by guys they don’t know. When a woman is out with a male, she is ‘claimed’ and guys will leave her alone. But if she’s alone, or appears alone it’s different. Sometimes the only way to get a guy to back off is to tell him you’re with someone else. The guy may be well meaning if a bit forward, or he may have intent to be more forceful. Women can’t tell, because we all learn eventually that some men who seem friendly can flip and want to use us. Many of us learn that very young.

There’s a book I like to recommend to young adults or people who survived sexual assault called The Gift of Fear. It’s recommended by several self defense teachers. What it’s about is how to identify and protect yourself from violence, from abusive relationships to being kidnapped to being followed or stalked. It’s focus is on women but I think everyone should read it as it’s not only women who get abused or assaulted and for some they may recognize some of the early warning signs of an abuser in themselves and hopefully will get help for that.

This was the thread I was referencing earlier, and damn if a thread like that doesn’t come up several times a week in two x. Maybe give it a go. Women don’t have conversations about this with men, even men they are close to because like you they don’t see the harassment happening in front of them and so they don’t believe it or don’t believe it’s all that bad. To many people if they don’t see it, for them it doesn’t exist and people who bring it up are just exaggerating (same is true with racism). All I’d ask of any guy is... just listen. Don’t take it as a personal attack, their experiences are not about you specifically. We ladies know it’s not all men, if it was no women would ever seek out a man’s company ever again. However we can’t trust you until you show you’re trust worthy.... and even then we know we can be wrong about you (as many of us discover when it’s too late). But yeah... listen to other people’s experiences, you may gain some wisdom from it. Just know every women you’ve ever met has had to deal with these issues at some point, and maybe still are.

NTA -- It's NOT you--it's THEM. They are being weird.

I see your responses to comments. You are desperately trying to figure out a way to keep the peace. You're latching on to the idea that you've got PPD. You're trying to not believe your own gut instincts. Stop that!

Women are conditioned from birth to be accommodating, to be nice, to make others happy. Very often, this means we override our own feelings & our own gut instincts--and that can end in people taking advantage of us and/or doing harm to us. You are a mother now, and the most important thing that you need to do is protect your baby. Seriously, if you won't pay attention to your gut instincts for yourself, at least do it for your little baby.

You really need to read Gavin DeBecker's "The Gift of Fear". Please pay attention to your own senses. Wake up. Be a mama grizzly. Do not allow possible danger near your baby.

DeBecker makes two equally important points in The Gift of Fear.
The first is, yes, listen to your instincts!
The second is that, especially as women, the media has caused us to be excessively fearful in many situations that, in reality, are not high risk. And learning to tell the difference between messages from the media and messages actually coming from our gut is important.

This is your wake-up call.

He either had a one time lapse in judgement or you need to start really combing through and evaluating your relationship because I would bet money that there are more situations where he has been emotionally abusive, but you aren’t seeing it yet.

I hope it’s the first, but if you suspect the second I totally recommend this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198/ref=nodl_

It sounds like you are listening to your gut a little, but in what he said to you there are so many manipulative things in that and for them to be malicious is troubling and familiar. This helped me to trust my gut so much more.

Try looking past the charm. Try setting boundaries to see if he breaks them. Does he ever take responsibility? Does he make things up to you when he does seem to take responsibility?

I highly recommend therapy, too. Even if you do couples, have one of your own as well.

Hope this helps!

You’ve been groomed. I’ve read your comments how you haven’t had sex when you were underage (or at all???), now you’ve moved in with him and he’s trying to film you using the bathroom.I’m wondering where else are there cameras? If you haven’t fled (which you should have by now) check the vents as well as regular nooks n crannies.

He may be filming you to share the video, or he may be using video to keep an eye on you to control you. You being filmed in your own home, especially against your consent, is very much your business. My money is he’s always said things to put himself in a position of control over you, right? Perhaps tell you that you need to rely on him because he’s mature, Jeff you a bit perhaps. Maybe some backhanded insults here and there... small things. Not enough for you to run because I’m sure he can be ‘sweet’ or ‘nice’, and he may have made a lot of promises. Words are wind girl. What matters is what he does, and what this asshole did is try to film you in the bathroom and then got mad he got caught and is trying to extort money from you (camera bracket wouldn’t break if he wasn’t trying to film your ass).

It’s also interesting to me that your first reaction on seeing the camera is not go WTF and confront him, but to cover it up like it was a normal thing supposed to be there. This screams you’ve been abused already, likely verbally. I get the vibe you’re kind of afraid of him too.

There’s a book I suggest you read once you’re in a safe space called the gift of fear . It’s in audio form as well, and it helps you see the signs of abusers before things escalate.

It’s strange he hasn’t tried to have sex with you... this actually is concerning because you’ve been with him for 2 years and lived with him for two months... maybe he might try to pimp you out, or something worse. I don’t know. I’m speculating, he may just have a fetish for watching women shit for all we know.

At any rate, this is a Chinese wedding of red flags. Get safe first, then break up. Don’t tell him where you are, and if he shows any signs of violence, get a restraining order. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the abused tries to leave. Stay safe. Listen to your gut, it can save your life. Good luck.

> but we have that instinct for a reason

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

This book by Gavin de Becker, who grew up with George Clooney and his family for reasons I will not spoil if you read the book (and it's a great book, highly recommended!)

The Gift of Fear

Always trust your instincts in sketchy situations and never worry about being polite. A man in 2020 should have no cause to approach a woman at or outside of a gym. Anyone that genuinely needs to borrow a phone or ask directions can go to the front desk. If they want to ask someone out, that's what dating apps are for. And if you make it clear you dont want to be bothered it's an extreme red flag if they persist.

Depending on their ages, I highly recommend getting them each a copy of “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker! It’s a super interesting, well-written book about how to recognize, trust, and act on your gut instincts in situations like these.

So surreal seeing this post right now.

I’m in the middle of reading The Gift of Fear and just read the domestic violence/dating chapters where he talks about how persistence is actually threatening and potentially dangerous when it comes to guys being the pursuer.

Idk if you like books OP, but I have to recommend this book as a must-read for you and anyone else really.

It's okay to fuck politeness and shut him down. You're not obligated to talk to anyone you're not genuinely interested in talking to. An "I'm afraid I'm not feeling up to chatting right now, have a good day!" and then turning and leaving is all you need.

I highly, highly, highly recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. It was so helpful for me in figuring out appropriate social boundaries and dealing with fear of strangers.

Edit: you can read the first part for free in the description section here https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440226198/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_ALDpEb0WV983J

Please read the book "The Gift of Fear." You can check it out at your local library or you can buy it on Amazon. Better yet, talk with your dad about it: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

A relative gave this book to me when I went to college and I wish I had read it sooner. Your sister is probably of the age where she should read it too. Below is the blurb about the book

​

> A date won't take "no" for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust—and act on—our gut instincts.

>
>In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the nation's leading expert on violent behavior, shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger—before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including...how to act when approached by a stranger...when you should fear someone close to you...what to do if you are being stalked...how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls...the biggest mistake you can make with a threatening person...and more. Learn to spot the danger signals others miss. It might just save your life.

There are so many red flags here. Listen to your gut - it’s there to help protect you. And think if your friend came to you with this, what would you think about it?

I’d also encourage you to read up on red flags for abuse and control:

https://breakthesilencedv.org/early-warning-signs-identifying-dv-red-flags/

https://nnedv.org/content/red-flags-of-abuse/

Also the book The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440226198/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_1SKzFb09D6AZ0

These have both helped significantly to be able to clearly identify warning signs and trust my gut.

Also keep in mind: your safety is more important than a guy’s feeling rejected or hurt. You don’t have to be “nice” or “polite” when someone is behaving inappropriately or pushing boundaries. And saying this sort of stuff so quickly is absolutely abnormal and inappropriate. He’s also ignoring what concerns you did raise.

You don’t need to give him the benefit of the doubt. You don’t need to explain yourself and give him the opportunity to sweet talk you or reel you in. Unmatch him. He’ll be fine.

> He gives you a creepy feeling for a reason, trust your gut

This.

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

OP, your gut feeling or intuition should be listened to.

The author, De Becker, grew up in George Clooney's household, for reasons. (No spoilers.)

There's a reason your gut told you "no". Not sure what it is, and hopefully you will not find out. Hopefully he's OK, but you don't know that, and you have a bad feeling. Don't be "Nice" and override it.

You should read this:

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198/ref=nodl_

Obligatory - The Gift of Fear recommendation

1) new phone

2) any computers, laptops, tablets, readers - to the computer repair guy for diagnostics and removal of keyloggers, trackers and spyware. Then install malwarebytes.

3) Also change your wifi password. if possible use a direct wired desktop for anything like banking or email needing security.

4) get an encrypted email like protonmail.

5) get a post office box for an future mail.

6) If your bank accounts were joined, get new accounts in a different bank.

7) woman's self defense classes.

8) Read this

1. Vary your routine. For example, if your typical walk is K St -> 18th -> O St, do something different on varied days of the week (without doing a set pattern). Maybe one day your walk could be L St -> 21st-> N St -> 17th, etc.

2. Awareness of your surrounds is key. Stay off your phone, especially when walking alone and/or in the evening. Don’t have both earbuds/AirPods in blaring music. Street lights out on one side of the street? Walk on the other side.

3. Carry yourself in a way that makes you look like less of an easy target. I’m a 5’3 woman, but I walk with my shoulders squared, and upright and confident stride, head and eyes up and scanning as I go. Keep your resting bitch face going and don’t stop to chat.

4. Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. So many people, especially women, ignore their instincts because they’re worried about seeming rude, stuck up, etc. Stop that. Who cares if a stranger thinks you’re rude? Ted Bundy is a great example of someone who preyed on that instinct.

There is a good book about this: The gift of fear by Gavin de Becker https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

It's an older book, but The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker is, in my opinion, a must-read for every woman in the world.

Depends on the situation. Is this at work, walking down the street, at bars, waiting for the bus, online? Is it from a boss, customers, classmates, teacher, stranger? There are so many places we can be harassed.

One of the easiest ways is to not acknowledge it. Don’t react. I highly recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

My way is to shut it down immediately. I would not giggle or laugh off “jokes”. Because a joke is a joke until they do something, then the “joke“ becomes a “signal of interest”.

If it’s at work, be aware it could affect your work reputation and prospects. I was in a women’s book club. One time we discussed inappropriate behavior at work and who tolerates it. Every woman who was in a high-level executive position said she puts up with it to some degree. Every woman who said she would not tolerate it worked in a field dominated by women, in non-profit, or a low-paying field. It was revealing. For women to become “successful” in the male-dominated corporate world, they have to tolerate bad behaviors. You have to weigh your career with your tolerance of sexual harassment.

You pretend to be one of the guys while being very conscious you are not one of the guys and you keep yourself safe (for example, fake drink, don’t get actually trashed). She would laugh it off, roll her eyes, or joke back. If she did call it out, it would be the way men trash talk each other in sports. It sucks but it’s real-life.

Another method is to feign ignorance and ask people to explain what they mean. Keep asking until they feel uncomfortable.

An opposite method is to be blunt, “Your comments are inappropriate and make me uncomfortable.” It is easy to ignore unspoken signals (looking uncomfortable, not making eye contact, shifting away from them), and claim they didn’t know. It is harder to deny when it’s said out loud. However, you must weigh your safety and the environment. This method could shame a man so he stops, or it could escalate it so he gets angry.

I would suggest you read this book https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198/ref=nodl_. This book teaches you how people can learn to protect themselves before violence and not be a victim. More often than not, the signs are there before the violence happens, but we as humans, often shut that fear down, which puts us in harms way. There is nothing wrong with being aware and protecting yourself and exercising caution which can save your life.

The Gift of Fear? https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

I've posted this elsewhere, but read this book, The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker:

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

Trust your instinct. If you feel scared, there is probably a reason. Hence why it is a gift.

Also - I strongly advise not wearing airpods/headphones when walking/running alone at night or really any other time of the day. Headphones do two things: 1) You can't hear. 2) You're letting people KNOW you can't hear. I know this isn't popular to say and people love their music/podcasts and don't want to hear this. But the fact is there are bad people out there and you need me to be alert and aware of your surroundings. Hell, it could even be that you dropped your wallet and keys and a good Samaritan is trying to tell you that but you can't hear them (has happened to me while running).

I have no idea if this was the case here and I am certainly not victim blaming. The responsibility lies with the perpetrator.

Sorry to be rude. But this is how you'll get raped and killed if you don't watch your back.

Buy this book and stay safe

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198/ref=sr_1_1?crid=16RDU011ZXHU8&dchild=1&keywords=gavin+debecker&qid=1598814107&sprefix=gavin+debe%2Caps%2C200&sr=8-1

I think my level of "intimidability" has remained about the same since early high school. Which is that I have only been intimidated by people who are threatening to physically harm me or seem like they might. This just happened in public last week, and I was scared (I'm 49). I doubt this will change, and I don't really want it to; I want to be scared of scary things/people. Fear is useful.

I've never been intimidated by the status of others. It just never made any sense to me. If I meet a man who is far more accomplished than I am, far richer, far more handsome, intelligent, etc., I might be envious and annoyed, but certainly not intimidated.

Stats are great on the macro level. "97% of situations don't escalate to violence", that doesn't make me feel better after I get clocked in the head with a rock I could have seen coming and now I'm drinking through a straw. I didn't say to continue to engage with the other person, just that you shouldn't turn your back on someone threatening you.

Edit: there's a book I think everyone should read, and it is recommended frequently here on reddit: The gift of fear is a book about statistics are meaningless when it comes to the moment. We can measure trends across our society but that doesn't mean we should neglect thebasic instincts that enabled us to create society in the first place.

Please do NOT ever discount your own feelings. Check out The Gift of Fear.

Talk to your mom. Just because your sister is safe doesn’t mean you are. If you can’t talk to your mom, talk to a school psychologist or your pediatrician.

Also, him masturbating in a common area where you sleep or hang out without being behind a closed door is really messed up.

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

Late to the game but I recommend reading ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin De Becker. He has a really great insight into how survival skills have adapted throughout the existence of humanity and how your gut feeling is intuitive insight as your brain picks up on signs within your surroundings.

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198/ref=nodl_

If you haven't read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, I highly recommend it. I think you'd find it useful in your situation.

OP please go back to the police and report MIL's attempted kidnapping of your kids, straight after violently killing one of your pets. It's a giant red flag that your kids are not safe anywhere near her.

I'm sorry for your loss. Seeing your fur baby like that must have been horrific.

Gavin DeBecker's The Gift Of Fear is in the resources list for this sub, isn't it? I'm on mobile right now so the resources list isn't immediately visible/accessible.

OP please give it a read, because everyone in the family seems to be radically under-reacting to this situation.

Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. He will tell you what you are afraid of and what you really should be afraid of. Flying is not dangerous. Driving to the airport is 100 times more dangerous than flying.

I am afraid of clowns and cocktail parties. Ghosts aren't real. Heh!

Ah yes, a 0-rated reply to a thread from innocuous thread from seven months ago proves reddit is overrun with evil white people!!

> Why are you tap dancing for them Hapa?

I'm simply not a self-loathing weakling who sees the boogieman around every corner.

But I hold no animosity toward you, friend. In fact, I want you to be happy, safe, and at peace. Here is an excellent book that might help improve your life: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

It’s because you had to learn how to read Narcs and their moods in order to survive as a a child. Gavin De Becker said something to that effect in his (wonderful, amazing) book the Gift of Fear - that he was so great at detecting and predicting violence because he had to be what with his abusive childhood home.

The Gift of Fear

Yeah I'm not a licensed professional but from my personal experience and knowledge you fit the bill for it man. Like, perfectly. Every bit of your symptom list sounds like CPTSD to me. I would recommend reading a couple of books: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, and this helpful workbook.

I haven't had the pleasure of reading Pete Walker's work yet but I've heard nothing but good things about it. I think it would be a fantastic place for you to start.

As for diagnoses- I have an official diagnosis for PTSD, but any work I've done with a therapist is under the flag of CPTSD. Just because it isn't in the DSMV doesn't mean it isn't valid, you know? :)

This is a wonderful place for people like us and I know you'll be able to relate a lot to the people here. I'd recommend going through the threads and reading people's stories, experiences, victories, resources, etc. this sub is a treasure trove!

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

There are 2 parts to recovery:

1. Your first steps in awareness is excellent. Your next steps are gaining more knowledge about how you’ve been controlled. Check out this book

2. The other part of this is putting knowledge into practice. Your conditioning has resulting in your malfunctioning... the brain get rewired from all this trauma to malfunction... it’s maladaptation. Your thoughts and feelings are valid, but you are not doomed. You can learn the skills to rewire your own brain and take control of your existence. It’s called DBT, you can learn it from a therapist.

I’ve found this guy’s channel validating and motivating hope it helps you as much as it’s helped me.

No, you aren't overthinking and you know it. Try and see if you can get him to a therapist or anyone else that he would listen to, like a priest or good friend that you already know.

Listen to your gut, especially when it comes to your child. Here, a little heavy reading for you - https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198 maybe pass it on to your SO when you're done.

Best advice ever on how to handle potentially dangerous situations is by Gavin deBecker. https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

There is a good section on this in Gavin de Becker 's old book

The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us

The key thing here is that imperfect ignoring is much worse than nothing, but perfect ignoring tends to work surprisingly quickly

also consider reading;

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

"The night before the trip I was shaking with anxiety knowing I am relying on a stranger to bring me there and get me back safe and my gut says do NOT go."

Also, since you had met him before, maybe he gave some "signals" (way of speaking, body language) that hinted at his true character, and you didn't notice those signals consciously but did subconsciously, and that contributed to your anxiety before the trip.

That is one of the ideas discussed in the book "The Gift Of Fear" by Gavin de Becker, a book which is often recommended on this sub to new SBs to help them stay safe.

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

No worries!

Pets

The pets tips page also includes various other tips.

Court injunctions

An injunction might help! Though it's definitely not a foolproof solution. I highly recommend the book The Gift of Fear. It's written by a violence expert who grew up in a violent home. The book is about how to predict the likelihood of violence.

An Amazon review of the book says, in part:

"I spent 20 years on the streets in local law enforcement. I always felt that the Temporary Restraining Orders (TRO) we served on stalkers and spousal abusers were as worthless, in most cases, as the paper they were written on. Usually they simply served as a salve to sooth our justice system's guilt over unwillingness or inability to take strong and immediate action, or develop alternative solutions. As Gavin de Becker so aptly points out, when it comes to committed stalkers and abusers, not only are they not afraid of a piece of paper, it incents them to even a higher degree of activity and perhaps violence. The author makes an excellent case that we should be much more judicious in evaluating such cases against a threat matrix and respond in different ways depending on the nature of the threat."

The Miami library system owns two editions of the book. Amazon.com has used copies starting at $2 plus shipping.

Thank you for asking. I'll write it the specifics I remember, but it was the feeling that was most important. Because the specific details could be explained away with the benefit of the doubt. That's the issue, though, we use benefit of the doubt to quash our gut feelings.

He didn't seem interested in me at all, in what I had to say. He would ask a question and then talk over me when I answered, interrupt me, and bring it back to himself. If I appeared to lose interest or maybe walk away though he would insist we keep talking and say one flattering thing. This was at a party. I remember his friend came up to us briefly and it was like I wasn't even there, they worked at each other and then kind of remembered me as an afterthought. After a while I told myself "I'm just waiting for Carolyn to be ready to go." So I just stayed talking to this guy out of politeness/ fear of being rude thinking of just endure a boring conversation with a rude guy for a few minutes, then my friend would tell me she's ready to go and we'd move on.

What really happened was I got 'crazy drunk' (roofie set in) and blacked out and woke up in a pool of blood in the worst pain of my life. Then I started having flashbacks and pieced together memories. Carolyn later told me that the guys friend had told her "we'll take care of her" so she left me with them.

After reading many, many books on trauma I've come to believe that not having conscious memory of the full event, only bits, might have made it harder to recover from in some ways, even if it was a mercy in other ways. Implicit memory is still formed and stored in the body and is harder to integrate without an explicit narrative to connect to it. Integration is key to healing trauma.

There are three relevant books I highly, highly recommend:

1. The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker (recommended reading for all on the topic of trusting your gut in various situations, as well as specific cues you might notice)

2. Hurting and Healing by Gloria Wade (was an amazing help in the first months after the attack)

3.The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz (For survivors of child or adult sexual abuse. Sexual assault leaves sexual damage. Reading this book and doing some of the exercises with my serious partners post-rape [they read it too] is what helped me really heal and reclaim my sexuality.)

Pick up a copy of Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. This gentleman is the creme-de-la-creme of security risk assessment. He has a website with more resources.